I am obsessed. I am infatuated. I am amazed. I am a little crazy.
Since I can remember, probably around 5 years old, I have been totally fascinated by.....pregnancy & birth. I have only just recently admitted this (within the last month) to anyone......my husband. ha! I don't know why I have never talked about it before. I have always put on a facade about the whole subject (refer here).
I always wanted to be the pregnant mommy when playing house as kid. My cousin would be the doctor or dad, and we would pretend like I was giving birth to my water baby. I would lay on the bed and pull out the doll from under my shirt...cause that is where all babies come from, our belly buttons of course!
I can still recall the first time seeing a pregnant lady on TV in labor...it was Vivian on Fresh Prince of Bel Air! I was at my grandparents house watching the show with my grandma while she folded laundry. I was captivated haha! WEIRDO, I know!
As I got older I had a curious fear of pregnant women. I always knew I wanted a family, but the fear of the unknown threw me for a serious loop. The thought of ACTUALLY being pregnant totally weirded me out.
Once my husband and I got married, in 2009, I got that crazy "baby bug". My free time was consumed with reading about pregnancy and childbirth.
We had a loss....and after that, for about two years I was completely against the idea. NO KIDS for us, we would have fur babies and that was it. I would get so annoyed when people would ask us about kids. You could say I was a little aggressive (insert ashamed look here). The hubs was "ok" with my opposition to having kids, or that is what he would say.
We had a little chat about it all finally. (We aren't the planning type. We never really talked about getting married to each other until a couple weeks before he asked. We even randomly got married, like 4 months before our PLANNED wedding, at the courthouse one day after I got off work. We are just different like that I guess.) Anyway, he admitted to possibly wanting a family in the future, and I of course shot down the idea with all my reasons why we shouldn't. After that conversation, I realized that I had built a serious fortress around my heart, mote and all, in efforts to not have to experience the pain or risk of it just not working. I began praying about it, and God instantly changed my heart.
I got pregnant right away! I prayed thanking God for the blessing and told Him I wasn't sure I was ready, but I was trusting Him to get me ready over those next 9 months and to help me trust this was in His plan. I again started reading EVERYTHING I could about pregnancy, childbirth, natural birth, breastfeeding, home birth, how to stay healthy...EVERYTHING! We decided to wait to spill the beans until after the first trimester...good thing we did, because I didn't make it....another loss :'(
This time around I didn't lose hope, or build any motes....ok maybe I did, just a little. I did trust in God though, so we left it up to Him. He always has perfect timing and a beautiful plan. I kept educating myself on everything this whole time, I felt like an encyclopedia on pregnancy, natural birth, and breastfeeding.
Anyways....fast forward a few months and I fell pregnant again:). We had a home birth, just how we planned and hoped for, and our life's haven't been the same.
The whole experience really started a fire in me. I am so much more captivated by pregnancy and birth, particularly natural birth. I find myself still reading stories and articles about it. I find that my interests have changed, which I am sure have a lot to do with becoming a mother...but we will see.
Pregnancy is awesome.
Birth is beautiful.
Family is bliss.
Looking forward to the future. Maybe more babies, who knows what is in store:).
Since I can remember, probably around 5 years old, I have been totally fascinated by.....pregnancy & birth. I have only just recently admitted this (within the last month) to anyone......my husband. ha! I don't know why I have never talked about it before. I have always put on a facade about the whole subject (refer here).
I always wanted to be the pregnant mommy when playing house as kid. My cousin would be the doctor or dad, and we would pretend like I was giving birth to my water baby. I would lay on the bed and pull out the doll from under my shirt...cause that is where all babies come from, our belly buttons of course!
I can still recall the first time seeing a pregnant lady on TV in labor...it was Vivian on Fresh Prince of Bel Air! I was at my grandparents house watching the show with my grandma while she folded laundry. I was captivated haha! WEIRDO, I know!
As I got older I had a curious fear of pregnant women. I always knew I wanted a family, but the fear of the unknown threw me for a serious loop. The thought of ACTUALLY being pregnant totally weirded me out.
Once my husband and I got married, in 2009, I got that crazy "baby bug". My free time was consumed with reading about pregnancy and childbirth.
We had a loss....and after that, for about two years I was completely against the idea. NO KIDS for us, we would have fur babies and that was it. I would get so annoyed when people would ask us about kids. You could say I was a little aggressive (insert ashamed look here). The hubs was "ok" with my opposition to having kids, or that is what he would say.
We had a little chat about it all finally. (We aren't the planning type. We never really talked about getting married to each other until a couple weeks before he asked. We even randomly got married, like 4 months before our PLANNED wedding, at the courthouse one day after I got off work. We are just different like that I guess.) Anyway, he admitted to possibly wanting a family in the future, and I of course shot down the idea with all my reasons why we shouldn't. After that conversation, I realized that I had built a serious fortress around my heart, mote and all, in efforts to not have to experience the pain or risk of it just not working. I began praying about it, and God instantly changed my heart.
I got pregnant right away! I prayed thanking God for the blessing and told Him I wasn't sure I was ready, but I was trusting Him to get me ready over those next 9 months and to help me trust this was in His plan. I again started reading EVERYTHING I could about pregnancy, childbirth, natural birth, breastfeeding, home birth, how to stay healthy...EVERYTHING! We decided to wait to spill the beans until after the first trimester...good thing we did, because I didn't make it....another loss :'(
This time around I didn't lose hope, or build any motes....ok maybe I did, just a little. I did trust in God though, so we left it up to Him. He always has perfect timing and a beautiful plan. I kept educating myself on everything this whole time, I felt like an encyclopedia on pregnancy, natural birth, and breastfeeding.
Anyways....fast forward a few months and I fell pregnant again:). We had a home birth, just how we planned and hoped for, and our life's haven't been the same.
The whole experience really started a fire in me. I am so much more captivated by pregnancy and birth, particularly natural birth. I find myself still reading stories and articles about it. I find that my interests have changed, which I am sure have a lot to do with becoming a mother...but we will see.
Pregnancy is awesome.
Birth is beautiful.
Family is bliss.
Looking forward to the future. Maybe more babies, who knows what is in store:).
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