que sera sera

I have recently come to a few realizations.  Over the past months of becoming a mother to twins and a toddler, I have become exhausted in every way possible.  I am happy, I am thankful, don't get me wrong there, I am just depleted.  My hormones are out of whack still, my sleep is ever evading me, my physical well being is in the toilet, my spiritual life is on a roller coaster ride, my relationships with friends and family is mediocre to say the least, and the ever present mom guilt is undeniable. I love being a mom, I love being a stay at home, I love having three healthy little boys to raise, I am blessed to have the life I do.  I am human though, and my tired is super tired 😆.  There is no balance.  My tolerance is low, my patience are thin, but my heart is full.  It's strange, really.  How can I feel so happy and fulfilled and yet beat up and overwhelmed?  It's temporary, it must be.  I am sure my energy and the spring in my ste...

Once again, I am writing in hopes to encourage myself to be a little more intentional about keeping up with this little blog I started 6 years ago.   In my short journey with the twins and G, I have searched the internet for any and all advice, info, reviews, and help in the form of blogs, forums, and videos.  There is plenty of all of that out there, but to my dismay I haven't found a lot of what I have been searching for.  My hopes in writing about our family's experiences and opinions, is that another mom or family with similar dynamics as ours will find it helpful.  I may not attract anyone here, and that's fine too.  I really just want to be able to look back in a few years and be able to smile about the journey.   A few things I hope to blog about are: Postpartum blues Marriage with infant twins and a 3 yr old Breastfeeding Twins Domestic travel with infant twins & 3 yr old International travel with twins & 3 yr old A day in t...

I was on the toilet with the door only slightly cracked when Marc walked over and said do you need me?  I said "I'm sorry you have to see me like this darlin."  I opened the door and grabbed the towel rack with one hand (knocking it completely out of the wall) and his arm with the other and said I'm pushing, you have to help me to the bed.  I got on the end of the bed on my hands and knees, as this was the only way I thought I might feel ok.  I had one or two contractions and told him he might have to catch the baby.  He was right there ready for anything.  Next thing I knew, felt like seconds later, Robin walked in the door, empty handed and ready for action.  She had her game face on, she totally knew what to expect walking into our room.  She had me move to the other side of the bed and lay on my side, she knew I did not want to tear this time around (it was probably one of my biggest fears and reasons why I didn't want to have any more kids😅)...

June 27 We drove down to Costco (hr away) for a big shop, knowing and planning for the birth to be the next day sometime.😋. It was rainy all day on and off and super hot.  My dear friend Esther, who was my person for Gideon during the birth was on a quick road trip that day and I told her we needed to go walk when she got back that evening.  Around 5:30pm we drove up the road to Cabelas and walked the stairs and lapped the store for about an hour and a half.  When we left, I was feeling a little discouraged and doubtful, since my body just didn't feel any closer to birth.  I came home and spent the rest of the evening outside with Gideon running around catching fireflies.  I gave him a bath, we read some books, prayed together and we went to bed around 10.  Marc came a little later. BIRTHING TIME (Be prepared for TMI) Still June 27... 11:42pm I felt a small gush of water like 2-3 minutes after I had just used the restroom.  I told Marc I tho...

My first trimester was worse in some ways this time.  I threw up a lot more, but I was also able to eat more, and I didn't lose any weight that I'm aware of....I wasn't big on scaling myself. The exhaustion was more intense since I had a toddler to keep up with though.  My fears were there,but only because I kept having random spotting for a few weeks.  I knew deep down though that God had a plan for our family. My first visit with Robin was December 7.  (She came to our house for everything, I thought that was so amazing.). I was around 10 weeks at the time, according to my menses.  My fundal height at that appointment was 12 cm, so we kind of thought maybe I was a week or two ahead, not only because of that, but my cycle had been irregular since May.  I also assumed it could be because it was my second pregnancy. I think once I got into the second trimester I was totally expecting to feel on cloud 9 physically, but it didn't happen.  I continued ...

So, I mentioned blogging about the birth of our surprise twins, but I feel like the story needs prefaced with a little history about my first birth.  The twin's birth story will be split into different posts, because of time restraints😆. My first pregnancy with Gideon was pretty text book.  First trimester came complete with morning sickness, nausea, blacking out, weight loss, fear of loss, and exhaustion.  Once we hit about 13-14 weeks, we were pretty golden.  I was still tired and some days still had those doubts creep in, but I felt so over the moon that any discomfort was overshadowed.  We found out we were having a boy around 22 weeks and although I struggled with the idea of a boy at first, it only took a couple days until I felt completely ready to meet our little guy.  The weeks came & went and the hustle and bustle of end of school year activities kept Marc & I constantly on the go. It was his first year to write & produce an opera, a...