Skip to main content

Changed. Temporarily?

I have recently come to a few realizations.  Over the past months of becoming a mother to twins and a toddler, I have become exhausted in every way possible.  I am happy, I am thankful, don't get me wrong there, I am just depleted.  My hormones are out of whack still, my sleep is ever evading me, my physical well being is in the toilet, my spiritual life is on a roller coaster ride, my relationships with friends and family is mediocre to say the least, and the ever present mom guilt is undeniable.

I love being a mom, I love being a stay at home, I love having three healthy little boys to raise, I am blessed to have the life I do.  I am human though, and my tired is super tired 😆.  There is no balance.  My tolerance is low, my patience are thin, but my heart is full.  It's strange, really.  How can I feel so happy and fulfilled and yet beat up and overwhelmed?  It's temporary, it must be.  I am sure my energy and the spring in my step will come back, but right now I am realizing the only ones who can handle my "not so me" self are the ones who live with me😶😄.  To everyone else out there, sorry...if you can hang around, I might come back to myself in a few years, and hopefully I will be a better version.  

The lack of sleep is something I have never dealt with before, and these past 10-11 months (bc the end of a twin pregnancy is hard on sleep) have been rough!  I don't advise anyone living away from close family, in a boarding school lifestyle to try to get through the first year with newborn twins.  It can be done, but likely not gracefully.  I am putting my best (sleepy) foot forward each day.  I am doing what I can to keep up with it all.  Some days are better than others.  I am fortunate to have a husband who supports me and helps when he can.  

I am different, more somber...maybe?  It's not sadness, or resentment, or depression anymore, thank God.  It's really just exhaustion.  Am I sorry for it?  No, because the reason for it is none other than my biggest blessings, my children and life.  It's only temporary, this too shall pass, just bear with me.  
I am probably sounding redundant now, it's the twin brain.  

Oh, and my 29th birthday was yesterday:).  Thank you Jesus for another year of life!!!


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

wish list

I have never made one of these before,  but thought I would, since I kinda have  an excuse with Christmas coming up.   been eyeballin these for a while :o)   Nikon 1 J1 Two Lens Zoom Kit in Pink                    Daytrip Checkered Vest neutral booties                     wrap around black belt cape/trench <3 ipad2...who doesn't want one? :P rock revival jeans Washi Swivel Shears 2S101 DR Three-Fingers
Post a Comment
Read more

I need to catch up...

So...Independence Day weekend, a very special person in my life came to spend the weekend with me.  We had a party on Sunday the 3rd at  The Aqua , which was a lot of fun.  Monday we drove down to Indiana and I stayed there all week with some friends from my "home town."  Thank you Ashlen and Austin ♥.  I went down in preparation for my sweet friend's wedding on Saturday, July 9th.  I was a bridesmaid in the wedding...and wanted to be there to help set things up with her and her family. So...I plan to write more about my experiences the last few days..but right now I am stressed for time.  So I will post some photos until then.
Post a Comment
Read more

this time last year..

This time last year my husband, our pup, and I were living in a tiny little truck bed camper in the middle of NO MAN'S land California.  Our energy was powered by a generator that we had to fill with gas every single day, and our heat was powered by propane tanks that were so old we could hardly find a place to get them filled.  Thanksgiving was a cold, gloomy, rainy day and we were stuck inside all day.  We tried to cook food on our tiny stove, but it was by no means a traditional Thanksgiving.  We watched movies almost all day and played with our pup, who was still new to us.  I was so heart broken, I could hardly see straight.  He held me together when I felt like falling to pieces.  I had a lot to be thankful for, I had my health, my husband, I had food, family...you know, all the things we are always used to having.  I was still so sad.  I wanted to spend the holiday cooking, eating, spending time with the people I love, being comfortabl...
Post a Comment
Read more