Mom

Well it's not quite Mother's Day, but this whole week has felt like it to me.  No...I am not a mom, I am not planning on being a mom, and I unfortunately I don't even have my mom with me anymore.  I haven't spent the week stressing about what to buy my mom for Mother's Day or what not to buy, I haven't thought about where we should eat or what I should wear.  I have been thinking about my mom because I miss her.  I think about her everyday, and if she were here, every day would be like Mother's Day with her.  My last Mother's Day with my mom was in 1996, and I was so young that I probably didn't even show her how much I valued her.  At 8 years old it doesn't cross our minds that we would ever be without our mommies.  I wish I could tell her much I loved her and how life would be so different without her in my life.  

I remember that weekend so well.  We lived in Tennessee in the middle of nowhere at the end of a gravel road.  My grandparents (mom's parents), My Uncle Eugene & Titi Pam, Amanda, Samantha, and Jennifer, Titi Alice, Michelle, and Alisa all came up to visit.  Us "older" kids spent the days playing in the creek that flowed through our yard catching craw-daddies, going fishing, and splashing around in the water like there was no tomorrow.  The morning of Mother's Day I recall my mom making her "famous" (to me) biscuits and gravy...only she made hers with Texas toast.  I remember waking up so excited because my cousins were there and we were gonna play all day long.  We rode our bikes through the creek to "giligan's island" and to the dam, we played baseball in the front yard with everybody, played with all the neighborhood dogs, and just enjoyed the day.

I wish I had the memory of telling my mom how I loved her and giving her a big hug and kiss, but I don't.  I don't even know if I told her happy mother's day.  Like I said, if only I knew what I know now when I was younger......  

When my mom passed away I had no idea what an impact she would make on the people that knew her, and even the people that didn't know her.  I know she wasn't perfect, but every person that came in contact with her has said that there was just something special about her that would light up a room.  It sounds so cliche, you know...when someone dies everyone has nice things to say about that person, but I really believe it.  My mommy was one of a kind.  My dad said that sometimes he would say to her, "your really somethin' Isabel," and in response she would say, "somethin' special."  She was my angel.

When she lying in the hospital brain dead with no chance of living, my dad couldn't even see her face, but he held her hand and told her that he would take care of my brother and I, and he said that she squeezed his hand and her heart rate went up.  To my mom me and my brother were her world.  I know that she loved us, and I am so thankful in that knowing.

Some people are born to change the world, and she was one of those people.  Maybe she didn't change the entire world, but she sure touched a lot of people in her short life.  I wish I would have had the chance to really get to know her.  Now that I am older I know that there are so many more aspects that make up who a person is, and there are so many things that I missed out on learning about my mom.  I am thankful that she stayed closed with her family, because through them I have had the chance to get know her better.  Here is just one life that she changed, even after her death.  Jim Seneker, a changed life.

My mom changed my life through the legacy that she left for me.  She was a woman who loved God and her family, and I just wish that she had more time to share that love with more people.  I hope to make her proud, even though she isn't here and can't see me, I try to make choices that reflect the values that she brought me up believing in.  

Looking forward to the day when Jesus returns and I get to see her smiling face and hear that contagious laugh she had.