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Wanting More

I have always thought of myself as a person that is quite easy to please.  I never thought it took much to make this girl happy.  Having grown up with very little but a family that loved me, I guess having "stuff" and being "something" didn't ever really enter my mind.  The only thing that I ever wanted was to have my family.

I think I keep my head above water by living in bliss.  I try to keep reality much further than an arms length away from me.  Reality can tough for me.  I know I haven't suffered like soo many people in this world have, so I feel sick to even say that I have any problems in my life.  I can't even begin to fathem the devistation the people in Japan are going through...let alone all the other people that have lived through natural disasters, wars, terrorism, starvation, abuse, and poverty.  I try to get to that place where I can walk in their shoes, and I just can't get there.  My life has been a bed of roses compared to soo many people in this world. 

Lately (the last few years) I have been weighed in the balance and found wanting.  I want experience, travel, clothes, shoes, different car, phones, computers, and just "stuff".  But what I have found myself wanting most of all is to find my indentity, my passion, what drives me, the thing that will make me "something".  I am tired of walking through life feeling like I have no purpose.  I don't want to just be living, I want to be alive, I don't want to survive, I want to thrive. 
I have had a difficult time trying to find myself.  I think when we are kids we start to search for what makes us happy, what makes life worth getting out of bed for every morning.  We get involved with sports, academics, we make friends, sometimes get involved in youth groups, make hobbies, we have boyfriends and girlfriends, choose a favorite subject, color, animal, and friend.  We fill our little lifes with everything we like and enjoy, and subconciously try to figure life out from there.  I remember having a very confusing time with all of those things.  I am sure I am not the only in the world who did. 

Now, just turning 23 years old, I have decided this year will be MY year!  My relationship with God, my health, my goals/dreams, and my relationship with my husband and family are what I am going to focus on.  I need balance in my life, and I WILL find it this year!  I am looking forward to a year where I will continue to want more, while I find and OWN what I want!

Cheers to finding my hearts desire!!!

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